Well, that was exciting, no? I, for one, was shocked by what I was seeing from these two political powerhouses. Let's take a moment and look back at the events of the evening.
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8:00 - Candidates meet and shake hands. Romney says "I will break you" in Russian accent.
8:02 - Moderator Jim Lehrer says "Good evening, my name..." and is promptly interrupted by Romney saying he should have been able to go first.
8:03 - Obama pulls out phone. Starts playing Angry Birds
8:10 - Romney unhinges jaw and swallows live pig whole.
8:15 - Obama can't get the red angry bird to land on green pig with helmet
8:17 - Romney starts doing karate moves like Mark Whalberg in "Boogie Nights" for no apparent reason.
8:22 - Obama plays Words With Friends. Can't make anything out of the letters B-I-N-L-A-D-E-N.
8:37 - Romney reminds everyone that he is a big supporter of science. Introduces his wife - The Rombot 4000.
8:44 - Obama puts phone away. Battery died. Starts paying attention.
8:54 - After promising to fire Big Bird, Romney pulls out skeleton of Jim Henson and starts skull-fucking it.
8:56 - Lehrer curls up under desk, and starts reading latest issue of Cosmo.
9:00 - Obama rips open shirt to reveal tattoo of Bin Laden missing an eye.
9:01 - Romney rips open shirt to reveal tattoo of glass of whole milk.
9:08 - Biden appears behind both candidates wearing rainbow wig and a painted face like it's a Giants game.
9:11 - Romney makes face like he does around the help when they start acting "uppity".
9:14 - Obama borrows Biden's phone. Plays Draw Something with Ruth Bader Ginsburg
9:17 - When asked about his plan for people with pre-existing conditions, Romney responds, "Oh, those people? Yeah, those motherfuckers are going to die".
9:18 - Obama sits down cross-legged in front of podium and watches episode of "Modern Family".
9:20 - Romney mentions Ronald Regan for the third time, pulls out his pecker and starts masturbating like a 13-year-old boy.
9:22 - Obama falls asleep in front of podium. Jim Lehrer covers him up with blanket.
9:24 - Romney refers to poor children as "miserable freeloading fucks".
9:25 - Romney aide comes out to re-lube his hair.
9:29 - Lehrer announces the moderator of the Vice Presidential debates will be a plank of wood.
9:30 - Debate ends. America yawns and goes back to what it was doing in the first place: watching "Honey Boo Boo".
